Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Lords of the Dance


Introducing Boys to Dancing

While girls today continue to gravitate to dance from a young age, many boys avoid dance because of the modern perception that it is a feminine activity. Boys are instead encouraged to focus on sports as an outlet for their energies. The irony is that dancing can be even more physically and mentally demanding than football or basketball!

The Benefits of Dance for Boys
It is important to change this perception as boys are missing out on valuable skills.
1) Dance allows boys an important outlet for expressing their emotions in a safe way. Just watch Billy Elliott to see how dancing allows boys to express their emotions in a constructive way!

2) It teaches them control of their body. Dancing teaches boys to be aware of their bodies and how it moves. “Dancers learn to use their brains as well as their feet,” Says Owen Oxley, local dance instructor and owner of Oxley Dance Studios. “which is something a lot of boys can’t do, because multi-skilling is not a skill that comes naturally to them.”


3) It increases their self esteem and confidence. Mastering increasingly complicated dance steps boosts their belief in themselves, and they become more confident in their ability to master any new skill. “Their self confidence increases because they learn to know their own body and start to feel good about themselves.” Says Warren Jerome, President of the Cairns Rock ‘n’ Roll Club.

4) It teaches boys respect for other people. Dancing requires a person to show courtesy and consideration towards other people, or they won’t want to dance with them again!


5) Studies show it has many health benefits, such as improving body image, attentiveness, and communication skills. Dancing also reduces stress, fear and anxiety.

6) For older boys, dance is a wonderful way for to connect with girls in a safe and unthreatening way. This is an opportunity often missed today because boys are afraid of looking ridiculous in front of girls. This could be eliminated with a few simple dance lessons.

7) A teen boy who is a confident dancer has a social advantage over his less confident and able peers. While young boys may not appreciate dance in quite the same way as girls, the advantages of being able to dance will suddenly become clear when they are teenagers! Girls of all ages love to dance and appreciate a boy who is at least confident enough to get on the dance floor. This is a skill which will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life. “Boys quickly learn that a lad who knows how to dance can get any girl in the room onto the dance floor!” Says Mr Oxley.

Dance Opportunities for Boys
There are many different forms of dance available to interest boys, such as Funk, Hip Hop, Rock ‘n Roll and Ballroom. The energetic kicks, flips and spins of the Dance-Rock-n-Roll-Boogie Club (DRRB) appeal to a lot of boys, with at least 50% of the classes being made up by boys. “It is such an energetic activity that boys who are sporting often make the best dancers!” Laughs Mr Jerome of the DRRB Club. Ballroom dancing has also proved to be a perennial favourite. The owner of Oxley Dance Studios, Owen Oxley, notes that his ballroom dancing classes have enjoyed a 50/50 mix of boys and girls for over 15 years. “While boys often get self conscious about dance at some stage during their teen years and leave for a while, they invariably come back within a year!”

While sport will always be a major part of our boys’ lives, we should also encourage them to enjoy the many creative, social and emotional joys of dance. Giving our sons a love of dance –and the confidence to enjoy it- is a gift that will last them a lifetime. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Friday, August 21, 2009

Keeping Our Kids Safe


How to Empower Children to Stay Safe

There are many things we, as parents, can do to enable our child to feel - and be - safe. Most parents don’t want to even think about the possibility of violence against their children and, fortunately, such instances are rare. However, violent situations may still occur, so all parents should be prepared. As the top U.S. security expert, Gavin De Becker, points out, "Of all the strategies you might bring to protecting your children, could ignorance about violence possibly be an effective one?"


Teaching Kids How To Avoid Violence

1. From a young age, teach children the power of intuition. Remember, we trust far more people than we distrust, so if your child feels uncomfortable around someone, it is significant. We must teach our children to honour the gut instinct that says something's not right. This takes practice. On outings, ask your children to tell you how they reacted to someone you both just met. Get them to notice their first instinctual reaction - was it trust, shyness, distaste?

2. Children must be taught to react to early signals, as this is when they can turn away most predators. Teach your child to be wary of strangers who try to be charming, offer unsolicited help and promises, and especially, ignores your child's refusal of help. According to De Becker, this is the most universally significant signal of danger as it is a sign that the predator is seeking to control them. Teach your child that it is okay to be blunt and even rude in this situation. Explain to them that you (and other adults) will understand their rudeness if they turn out to be mistaken. If children don't make the mistake of waiting for very clear signals, then they can defeat most predators.

3. Teach your children how to communicate clearly that they are not a target. This includes glaring, holding the stare, walking away immediately and raising their voice. Most predators will get the message and look for an easier target. Although a placid person, I once used this technique to scare away a man who was hovering over my children in a way that made me very uncomfortable. My heart was pounding like a drum but he backed right off!

4. Your children need to practise being aware of their surroundings. Predators look for victims who are going to be easy targets - the ones on their phones, looking at the ground, day dreaming, listening to music…Teach your child to always take note of who is around him or her and what is going on. If they notice someone approaching them, they can usually deter them with step 3, communicating that they will not be an easy target.

5. Teach your teenage child about PC, that is, privacy and control. Sexual predators are not dangerous to your child if they don't have privacy and control. Therefore, if your daughter learns to recognise PC situations early, she can take steps to change the situation before it becomes dangerous. For example, if a girl notices that her driving instructor's directions are taking her out of populated areas, she can clearly say "I wish to stay in familiar areas." This clearly says to the predator that she is not going to be easily controlled, and in the majority of cases, the predator will abandon his plan.


Teaching Kids How To React When Faced With Violence

1. Teach your child to do the opposite of whatever he or she is told to do, as that is what the attacker is most afraid that your child will do. If they say 'don't yell', train your child to do exactly that!

2. Enrol your child in martial arts or self-defence class. This is important because the reaction of most people when faced with an aggressive, loud in-your-face person is to freeze. Their mind goes blank which allows the attacker time to get in close and take control. Martial arts will teach your child to react automatically in crises. Those precious first few minutes often make all the difference in an attack, as most attackers will retreat in the face of a serious defence. If you can't afford classes, you can make a game of surprising your child at home, and practising quick responses.

Mother of 3, Karen McIlveen, enrolled her three daughters in martial arts classes from an early age. “I think the discipline and the awareness that there is something they can do to defend themselves have made them stronger in their minds, not just their bodies. Even though they may be smaller than their opponent, they may be able to use that window of opportunity and give themselves at least 3-5 seconds to run away. I feel more confident knowing that my 3 daughters have some techniques in which to rely upon in a difficult situation”

3. Teach your child to breathe out in crises. Most people forget to breathe which means their brain's ability to think through the crises disappears. Breathing out forces the body to start breathing again, which in turn allows a person to react quicker.

Constable Russell Parker from the Crime Prevention Office, emphasises the importance of empowering children to know that they have a right to say ‘No’ and that there are always people they can talk to, no matter what the problem. “Talk to kids about who they can turn to if they are feeling afraid or if someone is threatening them. Get them to list at least 5 people that they trust completely. It might be a parent, their grandma, or a teacher. These are the people they can then turn to when they don’t feel safe. Predators often use threats of harm to the child or their family to ensure silence. Kids need to know that there is no secret so bad that they can’t talk to someone about it.”

Preparing your children to be safe doesn't mean making them fearful of the world. It means teaching them that there are techniques they need to master to stay safe, in much the same way we teach our children how to deal with fire. I recommend reading Gavin De Becker’s excellent book on preventing violence to kids, ‘Protecting the Gift’. Our children are, indeed, our most precious gift. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Monday, August 3, 2009

Signs that you need to adapt your parenting style




Signs that you are struggling as a modern parent:

1. You use phrases like these:

• “This is your last chance/warning”
• “I’m warning you…”
• “How many times have I told you…”
• “Don’t make me repeat myself”
• “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you ten times”
• “I’m not telling you again…”
• “If I have to ask you one more time…”
• “Don’t make me come over there…”
• “Jamie, sweetie. Don’t do that, Jamie, dear! Look at me, Jamie! I’m
warning you, Jamie…!”


2. You feel like this often when you are with your kids:

• Frustrated
• Exasperated
• Irritated
• Angry
• Depressed


3. You have scenes like these:

• Children arguing with you or whining because you told them to do a chore
• Children having temper tantrums more than once
• Children sulking because they didn’t get their way
• You trying to reason with your children
• You allowing yourself to be drawn into arguments with your children
• You talking to your children in a ridiculing/condescending or harsh way
• Your children rolling their eyes at you or talking contemptuously back at you
• You hear ‘why?’ every time you ask the kids to do something
• Your children waiting till you’ve asked them to do something 3 times (and
finally threatening them) before doing it
• Your child is the one running around the restaurant, jumping on the
furniture, pulling on your arm/interrupting while you’re talking to another
person
• Other parents saying things like “My, he’s high spirited, isn’t he?”
(Translation: why don’t you control your child and stop him jumping on my
furniture)
• The thought of ‘quality time’ with your kids fills you with dread
• You do something yourself rather than face the complaints you’d get if you
ask the kids to do it
• You can’t wait till your kids go back to school!


A lot of parents will recognise these behaviours as most of them are natural consequences of the modern parenting advice given to parents today.

Our children are now less confident and certainly less charming than any previous generation. Many children today have few manners, poor social skills and little self discipline. Yet they are trying to cope with a world far more stressful and complex than the one we were raised in.

Modern parents, on the other hand, are by and large, exhausted and frustrated. If you look around, you see stressed parents struggling to control their temper in the face of disrespectful, argumentative and rebellious children.

I believe that we need to take the best of modern parenting and meld it back into the traditional methods of parenting. There are aspects of traditional parenting that wouldn’t work today, such as the emphasis on much more severe discipline. This does not mean that we should throw out the baby with the bath water! The traditional philosophy was one of training a child to be a pleasant and productive member of the family, community and ultimately, society. The modern focus, however, is solely on the child and his/her happiness. This has, ironically, resulted in more stress on the family and child as it has encouraged more arguments and less respect in the home.

A return to traditional methods of parenting would mean once again teaching children respect, boundaries, manners and values; it would mean teaching with calmness and affection, not being afraid to discipline and being consistent in how and when we applied discipline. Parenting was pretty straightforward 40 years ago - it can be again. We just need to update it a little to take into account the modern way of living. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Review: Scream Free Parenting



"ScreamFree Parenting is not just about lowering your voice. It’s about learning to calm your emotional reactions and learning to focus on your own behavior more than your kids’ behavior . . . for their benefit. Our biggest enemy as parents is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs. Our biggest enemy is our own emotional reactivity. When we say we “lost it” with our kids, the “it” in that sentence is our own adulthood. And then we wonder why our kids have so little respect for us, why our kids seem to have all the power in the family.

It’s time to do it differently. And you can. You can start to create and enjoy the types of calm, mutually respectful, and loving relationships with your kids that you’ve always craved. You can begin to revolutionize your family, starting tonight.

Parenting is not about kids, it’s about parents.
If you’re not in control, then you cannot be in charge.
What every kid really needs are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what."


To see book go to Scream Free Parenting

I grew up in such a household where my father was always composed and cool. We knew we could get to our mother on certain matters but nothing seemed to throw my father. Break an arm, start to drown, destroy his precious possessions...he always reacted in exactly the same way. In retrospective, I can see what a wonderful parenting plan that was! We kids were in awe of his knowledge, self control and seeming omniscience, and the result was that we always treated him with respect and obedience. I am not quite as successful with my own kids but I'm still working on it! Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Reasoning With Children:Why Being A Reasonable Parent Can Backfire


Modern parenting experts advise parents to explain their decisions to children on the basis that this will make it easier for them to follow the rules. This simple and seemingly innocuous parenting myth has caused more disharmony, frustration and anger in families than any other advice. Why? Because the long term consequences of this approach are children who grow up expecting their parents to explain why they are being asked to do something. Having to explain a rule or decision to a two year old is one thing - having to rationalise with 3 teens or pre-teens about every request you make or discipline you impose becomes a source of frustration and contention in the home.

There is new evidence that family arguing affects children throughout their lives. A recent report by the long running Simmon Longitudinal Study, published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, focused on family arguments. It looked at the effects of parents fighting with each other, and with their children. It found that 15-year-olds involved in family arguments, were more likely to be functioning poorly at age 30 than other people in the study who did not live in argumentative homes. The children exposed to family fighting were two to three times more likely to be unemployed, suffer from major depression, or abuse alcohol or other drugs by age 30. They also were more likely to struggle in personal relationships, but that was evident to a somewhat lesser degree.

I would argue that parents need to avoid modern parenting styles that could lead to households where children feel entitled to challenge their parents on any and every decision. How many parents today can give an instruction to a child and have it followed out immediately and politely? I imagine, few. This is a direct consequence of this myth. Parents got into the habit of explaining things to their children and their children got into the habit of saying 'why?' and getting a reply.

What Makes A Family Work Well
For a house to work well, there must be a clear leader (or leaders) and the other members of the family must be willing to accept the decisions of these leaders. There can't be constant arguments and negotiations about chores, bath times, homework, computer time, tv watching, phone calls, friends coming over, bed time, sleepovers - the list is endless.

I always say a happy family works like an army unit - the officers make the rules and the privates follow those rules. As long as the parents are firm, fair, consistent and perceived to be in charge, then children are content to give over the reins to them. A family without clear leaders is a chaotic family unit.

Good communication is very important in a family but so is harmony and the smooth running of the home. Maybe it comes from having a father in the Jungle Patrol of Borneo, but we grew up respecting our parents' decisions (however much we didn't like them!) and even with a family of 7, our home was harmonious and loving. We communicated well on almost any subject - indeed, we were encouraged to debate any topic - but we understood that the time and place for questioning our parents was not when they were making decisions.

I believe that growing up in a home where children were required to respect their parents' decisions did not damage my confidence or ability to express myself. Other people would argue that I express myself too readily, lol! I still go toe to toe with my dad on every topic under the sun. Instead, growing up in a home where family relations were peaceful and warm allowed us to flourish as well as enjoy each others companies. This has to be better than the many families I observe where bickering and tantrums seem to be a norm.

Strategy For Reducing Arguments In The Home
Parents need to be clear in their own mind and with their children about when it is okay to discuss matters and when it is not. The weekly family meeting might be a good time to discuss issues; when parents are disciplining or giving chores is not. Kids are bound to resist at first; I find that giving out chores anytime one of them responds to a parent's request or decision with "why?" (or variations thereof) fixes the problem real quick!

In addition, parents need to stay in control of their temper. This isn't about being abusive or angry - that is clearly a sign that you are not in charge. It is about expecting children to recognise you as the leader of your family unit and accept your instructions as such. Parents who are used to losing their cool must practise staying calm, no matter what the provocation. Any time parents lose their temper is a time when they have shown their children that they are not in charge, and are, therefore, open to challenges. More information on how to be effective parents is available at How To Raise A Child.

There is a place for explanations and being 'reasonable' in a family. Indeed, talking to children and teaching them about the world provides many wonderful opportunities for bonding and laughter. However, that time is not when parents are giving instructions or making decisions. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Friday, June 19, 2009

Why Values Must Be Taught, Not Just Absorbed


Why are values important
The values promoted in modern society through the media are often contrary to the values we want our kids to live by. But if we do not work hard to impart our own values to our children, then they will look to other role models like their favourite tv characters or rock stars, and their friends for cues on what values to live by. The innocence of the tv shows we grew up with are a thing of the past. Family time tv shows have people jumping in and out of bed, bi-sexuality, drunkenness, stealing, lying, cheating and so on. Some of these issues were addressed when we were kids but always with a moral to the story. It was clear to us that these behaviours were bad. This is not so clear nowadays. Often these behaviours are portrayed as funny and acceptable, and our children are lapping it up. Kids today are growing up without a strong work ethic, without a strong moral code, with vague boundaries about right and wrong, and, too often, an opportunistic attitude. If an opportunity comes up to take money without being caught, many teens and young adults will do so without a second’s thought; if an opportunity comes up to take a day off work without being caught, they will; if an opportunity comes up cut corners on a job, they will.

This is a very sad indictment of modern parenting. It is sad for this generation because they are perceived as untrustworthy, dishonest and unreliable. It is sad for our children because they are growing up without a strong personal code, a compass to guide them through life. Having strong values isn’t just about how other people perceive you but about how you perceive yourself. Being able to draw a line in the sand allows a person to take pride in himself and say ‘this is as far as I go and no further’. Without strong values, a person judges the rights and wrongs of each instance he encounters on an individual basis – and all too often, it will be on the basis of ‘can I get away with it?’ It is hard for that kind of person to have pride in themselves. A person with strong values, however, has a picture in his mind about the kind of person he is and wants to continue to be. Presented with an ‘opportunity’, he will compare it against this self-image and reject anything that does not fit with it.

In previous generations, a strong emphasis was placed on teaching values. Children were raised to follow more than just the 10 commandments. They were taught to take pride in being honest, trustworthy and reliable. A handshake was enough to seal an agreement. Parents worked as hard at inculcating values in their children as they did on imparting respect and manners. Parents today need to work even harder to do so as there are many more negative influences on our children than in our parents’ day. It is not enough to expect that children will gradually absorb our beliefs and philosophies just by spending 18 years living with us. We need to take ACTIVE steps to teach our children values.

8 Strategies for teaching values to children

1) TALK to your kids. Don’t expect them to absorb your beliefs by osmosis. Tell them what you believe and give examples. Ask them about examples they have come across.

2) LIVE by your values. Kids are very quick to pick up any sign of hypocrisy. Don’t preach values that you aren’t prepared to uphold.

3) Give your child a family code to live by. This gives children a sense of family unity and family pride as well as a strong personal code. Just choose one value that you feel strongly about and frequently tell your kids ‘this is our code. We don’t do that because that is not the (surname) code’. For example, in my family, my father was always saying ‘I am a man of my word’ and he was. He never made a promise he didn’t keep and that made a strong impression on me. This became my personal code, one which underscored all the choices I made. When I had my children, I took every opportunity I could to teach this code to them. I was always saying ‘We are Edgerleys. Edgerleys always keep their promises.’ Part of this was making sure I didn’t make any careless promises to them that I couldn’t keep. I followed this by ensuring that they kept their promises. As small children, I would just remind them of our code but once they reached school age, I insisted they keep any promise they made. This led to a few tears but they learned quickly. I knew they had mastered the code when they started turning indignantly to their father (who had grown up with laxer attitudes on this point) and saying ‘You have to do it! You made a promise and Edgerleys always keep their promises!” He learned quickly to add ‘maybes’ to any statements he made!

4) Have a Code of Conduct for your family and put it up somewhere prominent. This is a list of the behaviours you expect your family to display follow in the home, such as ‘we knock before we go into other people’s rooms’ and ‘we do not touch other people’s possessions without permission’. It keeps you focused on the behaviours you wish to teach as well as allowing the children to absorb the list over time. It also gives you something to point to and say ‘see, that is not how this family behaves’. I put up such a list several years ago in the bathroom area and one night at dinner recently, decided to test my kids on it to see how much of it they had absorbed. To my surprise, they could list every behaviour I had listed on it! It showed that they had been reading and absorbing it over the years.

5) Watch for opportunities in tv shows/movies/entertainment news to discuss values. Be careful not to lecture. Just take a few moments to say what you think about the character’s behaviour and ask your kids for their opinion. This gives you the opportunity to discuss your values as well as develop your children’s ability to differentiate real values from media values.

6) Let your kids know what you expect of them and correct their behaviour as necessary. Like discipline, you must reinforce the values you are teaching. If you don’t want them to steal, then you must correct each and every instance of theft. Don’t make excuses for them once they reach an age where they can understand that stealing is against your rules. Whether it is taking a biscuit from the cupboard without permission or bringing another boy’s toy home with them, you need to correct immediately

7) Be very picky about the media you expose your kids to. You can afford to be very picky about what your children watch, read and listen to in the first 12 years. Make the most of these years to pass on YOUR values and beliefs. Eliminate all shows that model disrespect and poor values. As children become teenagers, it will become harder to monitor their exposure so it is important to teach them to be critical about what they watch and read. For instance, when you watch a movie together, take the opportunity to point out that the show only lasts for two hours and that’s why writers often fast track the courting process and have people jump in bed or fall in love after the first date. Help them to realize that this isn’t an accurate picture of real life. If you’re watching a show where kids are being cheeky to parents, discuss with them if this is an accurate picture of family relations or just makes good tv. Get them to start thinking for themselves, rather than accepting as dogma everything they see and read.

8) Let the kids know you are proud of them when they demonstrate the values you are teaching. A smile of approval or a squeeze of the shoulder is all it takes to convey your pride in their choices. The more respect and awe they have for you, the more they will value your approval. Use that hero worship to shape their behaviour positively. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The Importance of Teaching Our Children Courtesy



Treating children with courtesy
Even though parents need to insist on their children following the rules they set, they must always treat their children with courtesy. This was a fundamental part of the way previous generations raised children, but courtesy has been somehow misplaced in parenting in more recent times. This is unfortunate, as the lack of respect and awe shown for parents today often leads to arguments and unpleasant scenes. Modern parents, in turn, are more likely to express their frustration in the form of disgust or contempt.

“Oh, really? This is what you call cleaning your room? Maybe if you were a pig.”
“What a surprise – our daughter not wanting to help out”
“You’re a 12 yr old twerp – what do you know about anything?”

Even these relatively mild insults said in sneering tones convey to a child that they are inadequate and a disappointment to you. This in turn results in parents feeling disgust and frustration with themselves.

These scenes can be avoided altogether by using the old fashioned principles of composure, control,consistency and courtesy (see 5 Keys of Old Fashioned Parenting). A composed, controlled parent will not allow opportunities for dissension and deals with resistance promptly and confidently. This eliminates the need for name-calling and insults. As a result, it is easy for parents to treat their children with courtesy. It goes hand in hand with composure.

Instructions are given in polite, respectful tones. In return, parents insist on children responding in a polite, respectful manner. Discipline is meted out calmly and politely. There is no lecturing, no engaging in argument, no raised voices – just an immediate, calm response.


Teaching courtesy

In addition to the way parents treat children and vice versa, parents must teach their children manners and courtesy from an early age. If they can crawl, you can start teaching them manners. Manners are a vital part of doing well in society. So many modern parenting experts overlook the importance of this aspect of parenting. So many parents have forgotten (or never learned themselves) the importance of manners. Yet manners and social skills go hand in hand. A child without manners is less likeable than a child with manners. This results in lower confidence and a poor self image. Not knowing for sure how to behave in any given situation makes a child anxious and more likely to act up (read more on why manners are important).

Modern society makes it easy for parents to overlook common manners. Families eat in front of the tv so parents don’t notice their children’s table manners. Extended family gatherings are rare so parents don’t have the opportunity to teach their children how to behave around elders. Five course dinners are non-existent for the ordinary family so parents miss out on the opportunity to teach table etiquette. At parties, children run off with other kids so they don’t learn how to converse with adults. Opportunities for teaching children common courtesies like opening a door for women or how to greet someone at the door are not being taught, with the result that a lot of children are awkward and even unintentionally rude.

For example, none of my children’s friends ever used to say hello to me when they came to my house. They would wander through the house behind my children without ever acknowledging my presence. I know they weren’t being intentionally rude but nonetheless, it was rude. No one wants to feel invisible, even parents. To their credit, it only took a couple of prompts for them to start saying hello every time they came over. It just shows that rudeness is often just ignorance. We need to arm our children with all the knowledge they need so they never unintentionally cause offence through bad manners.

Often a person other people see as ‘charming’ is really a person with good manners and practiced social skills. These people have an advantage over most people. It is our job as parents to give our children every advantage we can. So let’s start by arming them with manners and helping them to practise their social skills.

8 Strategies for teaching courtesy and etiquette

1) Start teaching manners when your children are very young. Even babies can start to grasp ‘yes/no’ and ‘please/thank you’. Go here for a list of manners and courtesies to start with.

2) Extend these lessons naturally as the child’s ability to understand grows.

3) Make a list, if necessary, of the manners you want to teach (See ABCs of Manners) and put up somewhere prominent to remind yourself and your children

4) Stay focused on your children’s manners. Don’t let bad manners slide because you are tired or busy. Consistency is as important in teaching manners as in discipline

5) Provide or create opportunities to teach your child manners they might not otherwise encounter. Have dinner parties so your child can learn table etiquette; Invite grandparents and other family members over regularly and drill your children in correct etiquette, such as greeting the adults first, offering their seat, making guests feel welcome. Eat dinner at the table regularly!

6) Practise, practise, practise. A practiced child is a confident child.

7) Consider bringing back the old fashioned practices like children getting up whenever a guest enters a room so they can offer their seat; boys opening doors for women, etc. These little courtesies will make your child all the more charming and respectful.

8) Demonstrate courtesy and manners yourself. Your children are watching you. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Saturday, June 6, 2009

Visit my new website!

Ever wonder why parenting seems so much more difficult now than for our parents? Visit my new website called Debunking Modern Parenting Myths to get some insight into why the parenting advice we are given now often is counterproductive. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Reasons to Switch Off the TV


10. You rediscover the art of conversation!
Our children today aren't getting enough practice in the art of conversation - and it is an art! The ability to listen to what others have to say, respond in a way that makes them feel you were interested, and expressing yourself articulately and even, amusingly don't come easily to most people. The best way to give our children these skills is to give them the opportunity to practise. Ask them hypothetical questions like 'what would you do if you had a million dollars?' or 'what rules will you make when you are a mum?' (my kids love that one!). A person who is a good conversationalist has a skill which will be of great benefit to them throughout their life.

9. You will become a more balanced person. It allows you time to develop other interests. TV is fun but it is as addictive as chocolate or coke. If you don't limit yourself to a set amount, you could easily find you have spent all evening - or even all day - in front of it. I know that on our family 'lazy days', when I let the kids do whatever they want, they will spend all day in front of the tv! This is time they could be discovering what talents or interests they have, reading books, playing with friends or going outside to enjoy some outdoor activities. That won't happen as long as the hypnotic presence is before them.

8. It gives children an opportunity to read. This is such an great habit for children to develop but many don't ever get that opportunity, because it is so much easier to sit in front of the tv and passively be entertained. Yet reading allows the brain to develop, it fills in the gaps in one's education (and there are many gaps today!), it stimulates the imagination, and increases vocabulary and understanding of grammar. Indeed, research even suggests it prevents dementia.

7. It stops you becoming a rather dull person
. Too much tv means that your ability to converse on varied and interesting subjects is pretty limited. Not everyone will be interested in what happened on Simpsons last night or the latest gossip on Brangelina! Switching off the tv forces you to do something else, whether it is reading, calling someone, discovering news items on the net, helping kids with homework or working on a hobby. Thus, you become a more interesting person without even trying.

6. You have more time to laugh and have fun.

Whatever happened to games?! Kids still love to play board games with their parents, wrestle on the carpet, have ticklefests, play horsey, or challenge them to Wii games. Parents have a chance to get back in touch with their inner child and demonstrate to their kids that they are more than disciplinarians. Here is a chance to show kids that you love being with them!

5. Set up a healthy routine that they will follow for life.

People are creatures of habit. Set up a child to get used to only watching tv at set times and the chances are good that he will continue that habit in adulthood. We were not allowed to watch tv until 5pm on weekends; instead, we went out swimming or picnicking or for a walk. To this day, I get restless if we are still home at 10am and I can not bear to watch tv before 5pm.

4. You can get fit!
Switching off the tv during the day and after school allows children to get outside and play sports or swim or play with the neighbourhood kids. Even Wii Fit is a hell of a workout (yes, it means switching the tv on again but at least it is not passive entertainment). As long as the tv is on, the children will sit in front of it, so it is up to the parents to set limits on their watching time. For example, I allow my children 2 shows after school every day once they have done their homework. On weekends, tv has to go off at 9am and doesn't come on again until 3, at which time they are allowed 2 shows again. I also find that my children are more likely to seek me out to join in a game when the tv is off, so I have no excuse either!

3. It allows you time to teach values and beliefs.

Children will absorb these things from tv shows if you aren't equally vocal. And let's face it, the kind of values tv espouses are not the kind we want our children to follow! So find opportunities to discuss what values are important to your family and why. Set up a Code of Conduct for your family. Have weekly challenges to see who can demonstrate or recognise instances of a specified value.

2. It allows you time to teach manners and social skills.
Watching tv while eating dinner is a big no-no. Parents need to be observing their children's manners at all times so that children don't grow up eating like monkeys. The dinner table is a great place to start teaching children courtesy and etiquette. These are social skills that give a child confidence as they will always know how to behave in social situations, no matter where they are or who they are talking to. This is a great advantage in our competitive modern world.

And the No. 1 reason to switch off the tv?

1. You can build strong bonds with your family! Modern lifestyles mean you can spend the whole day without having any significant exchange with your children. Tv, computers, mobiles, and games like xbox promote a lifestyle of individual entertainment. Nowadays, a lot of kids have tvs in their rooms which further erodes family interactions. Even when family come together to watch tv, its hypnotic quality means no real interactions between family members. Switching off the tv -and preferably all electronic gadgets at the same time - means rediscovering each other again. Building and maintaining family bonds are fundamental to a happy family, and this is one easy way to do so. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Parenting myth: consequences are an effective method of discipline


(blog feed at sueedge.minti.com)


There are many problems with the modern parenting advice on the use of consequences as a disciplinary tool. Parenting experts today constantly promote the need to make any consequence you impose be a natural and logical consequence of the infraction. However, there are many problems with this approach.

Firstly, it requires parents to think on their feet all the time. Instead of knowing automatically what their response will be when children commit an infraction, parents have to think fast after the event, in search of a logical consequence. This is stressful and if a parent can't think of an appropriate response in time, it can lead to one of two things:

a) a lot of yelling and lecturing instead. The only thing this teaches a child is that their parents are toothless. Not a good way to maintain respect and authority in a child's eye;

b)inappropriate and unduly harsh consequences. When parents can't think of a logical consequence, they invariably resort to familiar consequences like 'grounding'. Unfortunately, groundings by their nature last a while. This can end up being more severe than the infraction warranted, resulting in the child feeling unfairly done. The end result is that the whole point of the disciplinary measure is lost

Even when parents are good at giving appropriate consequences, this becomes a tedious and stressful exercise when it is multiplied by several children. Several times a day parents have to think fast and apply appropriate consequences. On top of this, parents then have to make sure that their consequences are consistent. This means remembering the consequence they gave last month or last year. If it is a natural consequence, it is easier but it still becomes very difficult to keep track of what consequence was given to which child at what age...Yet without consistency, parents can't effectively teach their children boundaries or self-discipline which is the very foundation of good discipline practices. Being consistent in discipline is like drawing a road map in a child’s mind – every yes/no adds to the map until the child knows exactly how far and where he can safely go. This is invaluable to building a child’s sense of security.

The experts' suggestion for dealing with all the many situations that don't have obvious logical or natural consequences is to take some time to think about it. In reality, this advice just does not work. Firstly, discipline is most effective when applied immediately after the event. Any scientist and trainer will tell you that immediate negative and positive responses work best in training. While it is possible to say, "I will discuss this with you later" to an older child, this will not work with younger children. By the time you have worked out an appropriate response, the child will have forgotten about the event and the discipline imposed will be meaningless and unfair. Immediate correction is the only effective correction with young children.

Steps to effective discipline

Discipline needs to be delivered calmly, consistently and immediately. Here are some suggestions that may help:

a) Select just one or two consequences that you will use all the time, at least for the first 12 years. You may have to select a couple of different measures when the children become teenagers. Stop worrying about whether these are logical consequences and focus on whether they are measures you can apply immediately and which can be quickly over;

b) react immediately when a correction needs to be applied; and

c) always apply the correction calmly, without being drawn into arguments or discussion or negotiations.

While some parents do manage to use logical consequences method effectively, we need to acknowledge that many, maybe even most, don’t. The above method is simple and far kinder on already stressed parents.

For more information, see parenting myths. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Friday, May 22, 2009

7 Strategies for Improving Your Child's Manners and Social Skills and Confidence


Research shows that children with good social skills make friends easier, do better at school and are more resilient to life’s blows.

Social skills are behaviours which help others feel comfortable with us and help us make friends. Manners and courtesy are important social skills that we need to teach our kids. By doing so, we are helping our children develop vital strategies for being successful in their relationships.

Children need to learn proper manners and social skills now more than ever. Competition for spots in universities and jobs is becoming tougher and the young people with well developed and natural social skills will stand out and have an advantage over their peers. Knowing the proper social graces allows children to feel confident and poised.

It is even harder for our teenagers. They are in an awkward phase of their lives when they are not children anymore or adults, either. By giving them manners and knowledge of modern etiquette, we are actually giving them the tools they need to navigate all the different social situations they might encounter as teenagers and later as adults. This gives them confidence and allows them to relax which in turn means they make a good first impression. This results in receiving positive feedback and increased self esteem.

It is often assumed that social skills will be acquired by osmosis. However, while some social skills are learned implicitly, all children would benefit from being taught social skills.

Strategies for improving your children’s social skills:

1) Talk to your children about why manners are important. Use examples to illustrate your point. “When your friend came over yesterday and didn’t say hello to me, it hurt my feelings. That’s why it is important for you to always say hello when you go into someone’s house.”

2) Model good manners and courteousness. Children will be watching their parents to see how they behave. If you are a bit unsure of what is still relevant today, look it up on the net or go to the library.

3) Practise good manners with your children daily. Practise morning greetings, table manners, introducing friends and offering to help, etc. Some manners need to be taught through role-playing as children may not have regular opportunities to practise them, such as how to introduce mum to your teacher.

4) Make use of the television. Ask your children to evaluate the behaviour of people in shows. Are they being polite? Is that the way a kid should talk to their parent? Use the situations to get your child to think about how it could have been done differently. Get them to think about what they see instead of blindly accepting the behaviour as normal.

5) Get into the habit of sitting at the table at least 3 times a week. This allows many opportunities to practise courtesy and conversation. Even if you eat in front of the tv, make sure your children use good manners.

6) Every social situation provides a teaching opportunity. Take a few minutes to prompt your child. “There is a new kid over there. How would you start a conversation with him?”

7) Get your teens used to shaking hands firmly, making eye contact and smiling when they meet people. This makes a positive impression on people and increases their confidence. This will help a lot in situations such as when they are applying for part time jobs.

If parents are not comfortable teaching their children these skills or just don't have the time, there are always courses available at various finishing schools or etiquette schools. Teaching children manners and etiquette is just as essential to parenting as teaching self-discipline and morals is. Let's not overlook it anymore.


As Featured On EzineArticles

www.parentingmyths.weebly.com Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

How to handle teenage moodiness


Who would have thought that deciding what to do for fun as a family could cause dissension?! Last night, it was my 9 year old son's turn to decide what we would do as a family, and he picked Twister. Yes, there were silent groans from us slack, inactive parents but I pasted on a big smile and said 'wonderful!' However, my 14 year old is nowhere near as tactful and immediately did one of her teenage mood swings. "I hate Twister! Stupid game! Stupid boy! Why do he always have to pick games...etc,etc".

So I had to go into mum mode and warn her to moderate her behaviour and words, and when she progressed to banging pans and kicking things out of the way, I had to move to Sergeant mode. "Toilet" I said and pointed. She stormed into the toilet, muttering and casting enough dirty looks around that I almost had to pull out the mop. However, after 10 minutes, I called her out and she was meek and mild again. Crisis averted. Still didn't want to play Twister but the temper tantrum was over.

Funny thing was, a few minutes later we were all playing the game and laughing our heads off. There's nothing like having someone's bum in your face to make you laugh while swearing deadly consequences if anyone dares break wind! Even my moody 14 year old couldn't help giggling.

That's the thing with teenagers: their moods come and go like flash storms. Interrupt the cycle early and it is quickly over. However, if you don't interfere early enough,you can quickly find yourself battling a tornado. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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How to use the secrets of Elephant Training to be a good parent


Let me tell you a story. My grandfather used to work with elephants in the jungles of Burma. One of the stories he told me was about how they trained the baby elephants. When training elephants, keepers would begin by putting a baby elephant on a huge, heavy chain connected to a deep-driven peg. After pulling at it many, many times, the elephant eventually gave up as it learned that it was useless to try to break away. Eventually, the keeper removed the peg and just left a small chain hanging free around a leg. This was all that was needed to keep the elephant obedient. Even though there was nothing preventing the elephant from escaping, it never even attempted it, because the knowledge that it could never break that chain had become deeply ingrained.

This analogy relates to raising children in that children will challenge your authority many times over their childhood. However, if, in those first 12 years, they learn that there is no point to challenging you because you are always smarter, cooler and quicker, then they will cease to do so. By the time they reach an age when they COULD challenge you, they will be so well trained that it will not even occur to them. And IF it does occur to them, the habits of respect and obedience that you’ve inculcated in them will prevent them from doing so. How do I know this? This is the approach my parents took with us, and the approach their parents took, and it probably went back even further. The point is, it worked. Five siblings and not one of us needed to be disciplined after 12 years. Not one of us could bring ourselves to break 12 years of being respectful and obedient. That says something...doesn't it?

Hmm, maybe I should call it Borg Training - 'resistance is futile'! LOL

There is more information, if you are interested, at http://parentingmyths.weebly.com/5-keys-to-effective-parenting.html Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Old fashioned Parenting


My story...my siblings and I were raised in what might seem an old fashioned way today. My father only had one consequence and form of discipline: a smack on the hand. It may seem contradictory but this actually made our life as children secure and predictable. In all the years growing up, I never saw my Dad lose his temper or treat us with contempt and disgust. My mom was the nurturer and the teacher of manners. The two of them worked together to teach us right and wrong, ethics and values so we grew up with a strong sense of who we were and the kind of life we wanted to lead.

What worries me is how many kids today have undeveloped social skills and a poor moral compass! I see kids coming in and out of day care and school with behaviours which make them unlikeable with teachers and other kids; I see kids running amok, oblivious to their parents ineffectual threats; I see kids eating like monkeys and I see kids who don't know how to make conversation. How are the parents of these children preparing their kids for the real world? Yet I am reluctant to blame parents because I think they have been fed a lot of bad parenting advice by 'modern experts', which combined with two tired working parents, has created a situation where kids are just not getting the same amount of teaching from their parents that we did as kids. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Importance of Family Time


With all the distractions in modern society, it is all too easy for families to go days without any real interactions. That is why I instituted some basic rules in our house to ensure we always have time together every day.

Rule 1 - Dinner is eaten at the table during the work week. This is 15-30 minutes every night when we are all face to face. We catch up on the day's events, discuss any issues, reminisce, enjoy a laugh and I have the opportunity to correct poor manners where necessary. The modern habit of eating in front of the tv is, I believe, the main reason we see so many awkward and unintentionally rude children today. It also means that our children are missing out on many life lessons that parents pass on in daily conversation. I learned a lot of my ethics and morals through casual conversations and reminiscences I shared with my parents as a child. When do modern parents have the opportunity to share their thoughts?

Rule 2 - Family hour. At 6.30pm, the tv, computer and mobile phones are switched off and don't come back on until bed time. By 7.30, we are all finished with baths, tv and chores so we all come together in the living room. This is precious time together without interruption. My oldest daughter is 14 and therefore too cool for games so one night a week, we allow tv in the form of watching a family show together, like Smallville. My 12 year old daughter loves to sing so we often have karaoke competitions while my 9 year old boy enjoys games so it's Bingo, Backgammon or Hangman. This time reminds us that we can have fun together and that parents aren't just taskmasters ordering kids around all the time.

Rule 3 - At least one day each weekend we have an family outing. This is so important to bonding and building strong memories. My childhood memories are coloured with glorious images of the times we spent together on picnics, climbing mountains, trekking to waterfalls, large family gatherings, swimming in creeks and rivers, camping...I could go on and on. While I am not as adventurous as my father, I try to ensure we get out and laugh, explore, enjoy the sun and fresh air every weekend. These build family ties in a way that sitting at home can't, because on outings we can forget about duties and chores and just enjoy each other.

If we didn't make this time, it would be easy for our family to spend the entire evening or even the whole day without really connecting. My 14 year old always has her mobile in her hands, my 12 year old loves to watch tv or hang in her room while my 9 year old enjoys computer games and riding a bike with his friends. We become ships passing in the night, without a conscious effort by us to pull all the ships into port! Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Monday, May 11, 2009

How does a parent handle teenage volatility?


It never ceases to surprise me how quickly teenagers can go from Pollyanna to Teen Wolf. I was in the kitchen helping my daughter collect ingredients for her cooking class when I realised we didn't have any carrots. So I suggested she ring a friend to ask her to bring some to class. My daughter was horrified.
"No way!"
"Why not?" I asked, mystified.
"Well...it's 9 pm. That's just rude!"
I looked at her sceptically. "Really. That is very considerate of you" I said dryly. "We don't have any carrots so I'm sure she would understand."
And before I could blink,it was on. "I gave you the list on Friday. It's all your fault!" She quickly progressed to accusing me of saying she was a liar (say, what?) so I quickly sent her to the Toilet Timeout to calm down. I was left feeling sideswiped again and wondering how collecting ingredients could lead to a scene.

Part of it is my fault. I am aware of my tendency to be excessively reasonable which tends to lead to debates which tend to lead to scenes. The trouble is, the reasoning side of teens' brains have not developed fully yet so it's like trying to argue with a 3 year old. PS. Don't tell a teen that - they really don't like it. So I have given my husband a codeword 'Pitbull' which he yells out when he can see me about to be 'reasonable'. Works great most of the time - when he's around. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Saturday, May 9, 2009

How to use timeouts for teens


It never surprises me how quickly I can find myself in the midst of a discipline crisis when it comes to my teenage daughter. Last night we were having dinner. Admittedly, it wasn't her favourite meal but I had warned her that I would not accept any snide comments about my cooking.
"Why can't we have something nice for once?" she asked with a roll of the eyes.
"Right, you can go down the chart (ie.earn 5 x's and no tv or computer for rest of week) twice for that." says me.
Immediately she was up in arms. "What did I do?!"
"I warned you about comments plus you rolled your eyes."
"I did not! I just looked up. Rolling your eyes means rolling your eyes all around!"
"Not in my book - which I've told you before."
Well, that just put her in a foul mood and after about 10 minutes of increasingly sour attitude and kicking her sibling under the table, I told her to go to the toilet so we could finish our dinner in peace. She got up and stormed off, but not before saying loudly "I don't know why you keep sending me to the toilet. It never does any good!"

Really? Firstly, I got to eat dinner in peace, retain my calm and control and enjoy some conversation with my other children. Secondly, she always comes out much meeker and milder, sometimes after 5 minutes, sometimes after 2 hours, but she always comes out and apologises. How's that not a win? She knows she can come out of the toilet whenever she wants, but she has to apologise sincerely and finish whatever task she was doing originally.

Disciplining teenagers is a tricky thing. I made all the usual mistakes with my firstborn that a lot of modern parents do - made her the centre of the universe, talked and explained rules to her over and over, used timeouts and removal of privileges, etc. It was only about 2 years ago that it dawned on me that my daughter was 12 years old and I was still having to constantly discipline her! When I was 12, my parents had stopped disciplining me and my siblings because we were all trained in good behaviour by then!

It was a big wakeup call and I decided to return to my parents' old fashioned but ultimately more effective training system(for more information, you can visit my website www.parentingmyths.weebly.com). Unfortunately, it was a bit late to apply all those principles to my oldest daughter who had enjoyed having the bit in her mouth for 12 years already. Nonetheless, most of the principles of firm but loving boundaries still apply and work well.

Most parents stop using timeouts when children go to school, opting instead for groundings and loss of privileges. Ironically, timeouts actually work even better for older kids than the young ones! As a rule, timeouts are a dreadfully ineffective parenting tool (and shouldn't necessary when mahout parenting principles are followed from an early age). However, when faced with a recalcitrant teenager, a timeout can be surprisingly effective! The trick is not to send them to their room or anywhere remotely interesting. Children today are used to being stimulated so sending them to their bedroom or somewhere with a tv or other people is actually more of a reward than a disciplinary measure. This is particularly true of teenagers, who view their rooms as havens.

The toilet is my favourite timeout choice. With the door closed, they only have themselves and four walls for company. The entertainment value of that wears thin very quickly. It is also hard to maintain a mood, temper or sense of injustice in such circumstances. Try it sometime! Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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Parenting myth: timeouts!


Most child raising books and internet sites still promote time-outs as an effective discipline tool because it 'gives your child an opportunity to learn to cope with frustration and modify his behaviour'. This sounds good in theory and, because of the negative press given to using a smack, about the only option for modern parents. But, as most parents find out, this is a very ineffective technique for most people.

Why is it ineffective?

1) it requires parents to delay discipline until the child is old enough to accept time-outs which is at about 3 years old. So that is a crucial 2 years of training that is missed when parents can establish their authority.

2) parents run the risk of looking ineffectual and foolish when the toddler runs away or wiggles or screams or sits when you said stand or vice versa. Parents lose authority when it becomes clear to a child that mum and dad aren't in charge.

3) the lesson the parent is trying to teach is often lost because of the delay in getting the child to do the time-out.

4) time-outs can last too long in relation to the offence for young ones or not long enough with older children. It is difficult to get the balance right. Experts say a time-out shouldn't last more than 30 secs until a child is 3 but what can a toddler learn in 30 seconds? It takes that long to hold them still!

Baby experts suggest holding off on discipline until your child understands what's acceptable and not (somewhere around the third birthday). In the meantime, they recommend childproofing your home to reduce opportunities for mischief and use distraction to redirect your child to more suitable activities. This strategy is a flawed one. Letting your child have the run of your home - and you- for three years and then turning around and saying 'now you have to listen to me' is a recipe for a battle of wills. Establishing your authority before the child reaches an age to rebel is sensible and the early years are a perfect time to teach your child to listen to you and to realise that there are rules. Childproofing your home so your child is not in danger is essential, of course, but removing opportunities for mischief and distraction means removing opportunities for teaching an early but crucial first lesson - 'YES/NO'.

What the experts advise

The experts at a popular parenting website have this advice for new parents:

No single disciplinary approach, including time-outs, will transform your toddler into an obedient angel. You'll want to experiment with a variety of discipline techniques throughout his toddlerhood to find out what works best for both of you. In fact, if your child is usually obedient, you may be lucky enough never to need a time-out. Requests and redirection may be sufficient. Or you may find that using the positive time-out technique — changing the pace to a quieter activity — works well throughout your youngster's childhood. At every stage, learning which behaviors are normal (or unavoidable) will help keep your expectations realistic.

Seriously?
Having told parents that time-outs are the way to go, these experts then turn around and say that no single approach will work. Where does that leave parents? Most parents are left floundering, looking for an approach or combination of approaches that will work. What usually happens is that parents develop a fly-by-the-pants method of dealing with each situation as it develops. This is equally ineffective as it is inconsistent, not to mention frustrating. On top of this, the experts suggest that parents may NEVER need to use discipline in their children's childhood if they use techniques like redirection! What an irresponsible thing to say to young parents. Discipline is an essential part of parenting: it builds firm boundaries for children, making them feel safe and trusting, and it leads to children being able to discipline themselves which is an essential quality for being a mature, responsible adult. Children will not learn these boundaries through parents AVOIDING the need for discipline.

It is hard to avoid the conclusion that timeouts are an ineffectual way to discipline children. To be effective, it needs to be combined with other disciplinary measures, possibly several, as children get older, but this in turn makes it difficult for parents to be consistent in their discipline. Timeouts and consequences require parents to be adaptive and reactive and on the balls of their feet all the time. This is not a good foundation to consistent discipline. Consistency is a cornerstone of good discipline as it teaches children their boundaries.



What is a more effective approach?


A more effective method is to return to tried and true old fashioned methods of discipline. The old fashioned methods of parenting worked because the focus was on bringing up children as a part of the family, community and society instead of making them feel like they were the centre of the universe. It worked because discipline was consistently enforced without anger so children could absorb the correction and still view their parents with respect and a little healthy awe. I talk more about how to do this on my Effective Parenting website but the basic principles are:

a) always be calm (or appear to be calm) when disciplining children. Any correction applied by an angry or frustrated parent loses most of its power as the children are focused on the parent rather than the correction.

b)choose just 1 or 2 disciplinary measures that you will always use. This allows discipline to be predictable - for the child and you. It will remove a lot of the stress and frustration of modern disciplining.

c)be consistent in what you do and how you do it. Decide how many warnings/requests you will give and then always correct a child promptly. Again, this makes discipline - and you - very predictable to a child; and

d)never explain, argue or reason with your children as it invariably leads to heated scenes that diminish your authority.

e)And, of courses, be loving and courteous to your children. In the end, families are meant to be a comfort and a joy, not a battle zone.



One final note: a problem many parents have, is that once they take timeouts out of the equation, what do they use to discipline small children? I'd be interested to hear other parents' suggestions but for my take on it, you can go to debunking parenting myths. Need parenting advice? Read How to Raise a Child
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